Alphabet Disadvantaged

Now that seeking reparations has become the fashion of the day I thought I would join the crowd of the victimized. No one has called attention to the great injustice of us alphabetized disadvantaged who had to suffer devastating damages all through our schooling in being condemned to take our place as the last in line. To be sure "Stevenson" isn't quite as bad as "Zanzabar" but it surely isn't as advantaged as "Adams" or "Alomar". And to be coupled with the Christian name (whoops, I guess this transgresses the speech code...does "first name" sound too elitist? ) Anyhow "William" is no help for even if one is in a classroom with a Charles Stevenson the name "William" is quite a handicap. However I'm quite encouraged that in our present political climate (not to be climately confused with the fever the earth is experiencing) that once this lack of "aphabetized privilege" is recognized for what it is it will be quite lucrative in reparation rights. I'm counting on quite a nice windfall (also not a climate justice term) and hope too that support groups can be organized for all those who are in this same oppressed class. Monetarily I don't expect the same reparations of those unfairly saddled with XYZ last names; but "S" should be quite lucrative nonetheless. Yes, and only conservative curmudgeons would balk at the unfair advantages Adams and Alomar and Aaron possessed from kindergarten all the way up to the highest levels of academe. Thus it is only fair that such early letters should pay for all their alphabetized advantage. I'm thus relieved that so many now have a reparational mindset. This incontrovertible enlightenment should really encourage appropriate justice for so many of us that were dealt a victimhood merely from the names that we were unnecessarily burdened with. Perhaps in a truly equal society we could all share in the same name---perhaps something that would begin right in the center of the alphabet. "M" is the thirteenth letter and perhaps all could be named something that would be truly a name that would elicit no envy. Perhaps "Malcontent More" might be a name we could all wear without fearing any future disadvantage. At the least it would certainly alleviate anyone from enduring the heartache that comes from being so marginalized with a fatalist name so as to endure the inequality and shame of being last in line.