The Current Language License and Broccoli

Now that the current language license doesn't allow any more of such phrases as "Bring home the bacon", "You can't beat a dead horse", "Kill two birds with one stone", "Don't look a gift horse in the mouth", "Don't rat on me", "Thicker than fleas", "What's good for the gander is good for the goose", "You can't skin a cat", and others, I must express a certain relief. Certainly our chauvinistic chatter must be brought into line with the current norms of non-offense. I do think that we should also include plants, the flora as well as the fauna. After all, we don't want to appear to be non inclusive of the plant kingdom which has its share of victims. Think about the derogatory things said about broccoli for instance. With respect to this I must cite the late George Herbert Walker Bush (requiescat in pace). Of course I didn't expect any of the eulogies to include any negatives---that is not what eulogies do. However I would here be remiss if I didn't bring attention to the glaring character flaw in this very good, but imperfect man (aren't we all?): but as to the flaw: he hated broccoli. In other words he was a mysocolist. (I am up on on these new phrases as I went to a very progressive school that made sure we were all sociallstically up to par.) Anyhow, I wish to stand up for the victim broccoli and all the other flora that are being defamed, merely because they don't have the ability to tug at the heart the way, say a baby mouse can. A young broccoli just doesn't have that same power of cuteness. This is a travesty for in a truly egalitarian society we moderns all aspire to eyesight that sees everything as equally cute. Thus we should stand up across all our highways, shutting them down if necessary, if we don't get more laws enacted to protect those vegetables that come so callously under the knife and fork. But especially I wish to highlight the great bias of the bigots that hate the cruciferous stalk. I say we need a "Broccoli Lives Matter" campaign, a resistance against the human racists that don't consider that broccoli and its comrades in the vegetable kingdom have yet to realize their unrealised rights. Close your eyes and think for a moment of how we so casually chew a stalk without thinking of the life we have so callously ended. Let your conscience work on that. Then and only then, when our consciences have become truly tolerant can we begin to do something about it with our language, taking our cue from the current licensing of animal neutered language. I think at the same time we should be inclusive of the broccoli and his companions. Next time at the produce section (isn't 'produce' itself such a demeaning word?) and think of how unfeeling our language is: who with any solidarity with our flora cousins could be so cruel as to utter such a phrase as "a head of lettuce"? Shouldn't that be banned as anatomically gruesome? and what of the injustices heaped upon broccoli herself? In no way should she be trapped on the produce shelf under cellophane and styrofoam as if she were a common criminal to eventually be chosen by some patriarchal human. I know many will have their compassionate consciences wakened here. So many will here agree that our language license should be ever stricter to embrace all. I have only to hope that our progression to such a culinary compassion will gain us a lasting gastrointestinal peace. May it be so.