Collusion in Down Under?

I must alert our investigators. I know they are still quite busy with the American Russian Collusion---eventually we'll get an impartial Columbo on the case that will prove this three year old investigation wasn't a waste of time and show that it was a necessary and wonderful use of our tax dollars. But now we have Australia as well. Have you heard? An unexpected conservative won? How ludicrous and inadmissible is that? Why fifty-five consecutive polls said that the conservatives had no chance. After all, the progressives ran on the completely irrevocable settled science of climate change and global warming that it is really inconceivable and completely illogical (unless you are indoctrinated by the far far far right of Fox) and outside of the realm of reason and of course most importantly---and this can't be stressed enough transgresses our ecological and environmental emotions. How can any thinking person doubt after all the perfectly viable Armageddon prognostications of Miss AOC? Of course conservatives could not win, especially when they array themselves with outdated biblical eschatology while at the same time intolerantly shun any emotional embrace of our Goddess Gia? And as to the Australian election---the only reasonable emotional response must be that the conservatives had foreign help. I would think it won't be many days when the unbiased Sidney news outlets will implicate the influence of some Vladimir somewhere. Perhaps we could let Australia borrow Mr. James Comey and our straight laced FBI to help them uncover all the unquestionable collusion that certainly must have happened. We must get to the bottom of such a fishy election where the unlikely conservative party won. There is something rotten in Down Under as well as Denmark, I'm afraid.