The Interogation

Another terror attack. This time in New York. This by way of a rental truck which this "soldier of the Caliphate"  plowed into pedestrians on what I imagine the victims had thought was a peaceful bike path. Well this "soldier of the Caliphate" was shot in the abdomen by one of those men in blue who the NFL is taking the knee against. But be assured Sayfullo is recuperating quite nicely under lovely care by the doctors and nurses. He even requested to hang an ISIS flag in his hospital room which certainly seems like quite a reasonable request. Of course only when he is completely well will he have to undergo questioning. We are still trying to figure out why. It is a sublime mystery. Anyway, eventually will come an interrogation. (Please excuse the harsh word).  I couldn't help think what the interrogation might be like given our training in tolerance and diversity and compassion for those who cull the excess population of Americans and, in this case, tourists visiting from other countries. Maybe the questioning might go something like this: 

"You know don't you, Mr. Sayfullo Saipov, that you have been charged to have carried out---shall we say---a rather inappropriate act." 

"Allahu Akbar."

"Yes, I hear you and I respect your religious convictions. I must add too as a preliminary that should you feel the slightest bit uncomfortable or ill at ease or discriminated against, or feel any racial bias, that you will let us know."

"Allahu Akbar."

"Yes, in  no way let this questioning be construed at all as a critique of your religion or even of your status as a guest here. Also these questions I wish to offer in no way question your continued right to reside in this country with all the attendant benefits. And if you feel we are casting any aspersions on the inherent rights of refugees to enter and stay freely and to hang flags of  choice in hospital rooms or on their rented trucks---this can certainly be construed as a constitutional right which you would be completely in your rights to claim. And of course should you feel in the least that you need a lawyer we would get you one of your choice who would certainly be duly paid for by the most tolerant taxpayer. By all means also keep in mind that we, the reluctant interrogators of refugees, ever appear as oppressors, or those who exemplify white privilege, we may call ourselves to account.  For indeed before proceeding I wish to apologize for all the colonization, the evil this country has exported. It is ever a wonder that so many wish to come here!  That set aside, I wish to bring to your attention the media which has already sought to brand this as yet another case of a problematic president. You will be no doubt quite happy to hear that Mr. Trump has tweeted for your execution! This just goes to show that he, and not you, are of the haters. I'm quite sure if we had the eight deceased back they would readily forgive and express a distaste for any of the Islamophobia which we, through the media outlets, are putting our energy into fighting. (I apologize for this too masculine word). Yet, I wish to assure you of your right to present yourself as the true victim in this whole unfortunate event and I too believe that so much trouble can be traced to past Republican administrations. They are the rabid source of the absolutist patriarchy that has chained the Third World to colonial poverty. These of course are the real victim groups that have arisen from our corrupt colonization which originated back with the imperialism of Columbus." 

"Allahu Akbar." 

"Indeed. And all this to say, I wish to couch my questions in completely inoffensive language and to employ "please" not in any way a paternalistic tone but rather as a politeness among equals. Otherwise should any term that proceeds from me to be deemed offensive, racist, derogatory, negative, phobic, intolerant, or without proper deference to diversity, you have all the right to turn me in as the hater. And let me assure you that this place of questioning is a Hate Free Zone, and thus you are free to answer the questions in whatever way you wish for we pride ourselves here to be a relativist people and don't get hung up on absolutist rigidity. Again whatever way you feel you wish to answer will be greeted with a maraschino cherry for your sundae in thanks for your cooperation. Also you will be allowed further free education and continued health care,  and last but not least we would not hamper your return to all the rights accorded to a refugee and guest of our tolerant home.