Running on this Winning Political Platform

With much more thought and meditation on the subject of walls I felt inspired to come up with an even more radical political platform than perhaps even Miss Speaker Pelosi could even elucidate. I just know I will be able to make it on the Democratic stage with such a platform as I here will present. You are the first to hear it. I don't claim originality for it. I began thinking of walls and how they don't work and I began thinking of other things that don't work. One of many objects that came to my mind was a winter item. It is something that so many in our patriarchal past were culturally conditioned to think worked. But as I thought about it I realized this was just a cultural construct that I came to assume without thinking, really thinking about it. Without further ado this is what I came up with to rest the success of my future political life upon: METAL SHOVELS DON'T WORK. Besides not working and making this case, I will also make use of the objection that metal shovels are decidedly immoral. I'm already prepared to defend against the extremist toxic uncompassionate conservatives. They will no doubt ask: "How can an inanimate thing be immoral?" And "How can a metal shovel not work, not do what it was designed to do?" To both questions I have the perfect leftist logic. Yes, indeed. As to the immorality of a metal shovel---why it is obvious, isn't it? Snow certainly has rights. Is anyone really prepared to be so without compassion to say snow doesn't have the rights to remain just where it falls? Of course it travels in caravans all that way from the sky and lands on driveways, streets, sidewalks, backyards. Doesn't it have the right to stay there? Doesn't it have white privilege?

And as to working: why have you ever tried to pick up leaves with a metal shovel? They just don't stay put. Especially when you have a wind, even a stiff breeze, even a breath that would puff out a candle will knock all that work off the shovel in a second. Or try shoveling water which all snow eventually turns to---it just doesn't work. Never mind that it is for snow. I say, using leftist logic again, that because I have proven it doesn't work in these cases I have highlighted the obvious fact that it cannot work and should be abandoned.

As to my electoral possibilities residing on this unique platform I can already see the go fund me pages bursting with donations, and I imagine that it won't be long when CNN or the Huffington Post will seek to interview my candidacy. They will present me as truly being the avant guard---the future face of the Party.